Amelia's Friendship Tour & Other Travels 2007 - Some Statistics

Now that I'm back in the UK, I thought I'd compile some statistics and other interesting info for this year: -

• Countries visited: Six - France, Nepal, Tibet/China, Japan, New Zealand, Australia
• Countries visited with mountains: Six (says something about my interests)
• Aussie states visited: Three - New South Wales, Victoria and Queensland
• Flights taken: too many, feel a bit guilty about that
• Favoured airline: Qatar Airways - for having nice staff and for upgrading me on the way back from Kathmandu
• Pentagonites visited: Ten - Aziza, Colette, Toni, Caroline, Margs, Tim, Dee, Sooze and honoraries Damien, Simone and (lived in the Pentagon for one month each)
• People seen who I've lived with: 12! - Aziza, Colette, Juliet, James, Toni, Caroline, Margs, Tim, Dee, Sooze, Damien, Simone
• School friends visited: One - Rosie in Japan
• Pentagon birthdays present for: Four (Aziza, Dee, Margs, Toni)
  
• Bands seen beginning with K: Two, The Klaxons and The Killers
• Crazy dances danced: many
• Nights spent in the gutter in the rain: one... I blame Caroline ;-)
• Countries where showered under a waterfall: two - Nepal and New Zealand
• Countries swam in: four Nepal, Japan, New Zealand, Australia
• Aussie barbies eaten: two, both expertly cooked by Aussie men. Three including brekkers!
• Kit Kat varieties sampled: infinite amounts, including green tea, kiwi fruit and melon
• Cupcakes eaten: seven thousand six hundred and eighty five. Or at least it feels like it
• Shoes broken: one, sliding down a hill on a piece of card with Colette and Aziza
• Shoes gained: errr, several pairs - one for free from Caroline (thanks!) one for $9.50 in NZ and one for the Melbourne Cup, half price navy blue boots - gotta be savvy about these things!
• Items lost: so many it's ridiculous - ring, penknife, clothing... the list goes on but it's just too upsetting to write it

• Favourite food: Japanese - though best meal goes to Botswana Butchery in Wanaka - thanks JJ!
• Favourite venue: The Espy, Melbourne
• Favourite weather: Australia...despite some dodgy English-like days!
• Favourite mountains: sorry, but it has to be the Himalayas
  
• Worst hangover: very tough call between post crazy Melbourne night, post host bar night and post Auckland night out. Post host bar night wins! Dodgy green local brew is to blame
• Worst mosquito bites: tough call, but would have to plump for Nepal and the time those little buggers bit my face
• Worst travel illness: Tibetan donkey flu - I still don't think my lungs have recovered
• Worst local drink: Raksi, which tastes similar to meths. Not that I generally drink meths you understand
  
• Highest point visited: Somewhere high up on the Tibetan plateau - 5200 metres
• Strangest place slept: on the floor in a cramped smoke-filled room on grass mats which I was allergic too, next to three other volunteers and the most corn I've ever seen.
• Strangest place drank: in a club in a subway station in Japan or with locals in a remote village in the Kathmandu valley
• Strangest place eaten: in a local momo store in the back streets of Lhasa, Tibet, with all the local ladies gawping at me
• Biggest culture shock: arriving in Nepal and driving through the streets to my guest house. I'd never seen so much poverty at close hand before
• Hardest battle: trekking in the Himalayas - or persuading 45 enthusiastic Nepalese ten year olds to be quiet
• Biggest challenge: persuading myself to keep going after six weeks in Nepal. I was sick of the disorganisation, sick of the food and lack of comfort and generally sick. But I kept going!

• Most attractive city: Sydney
• Most awkward moment: being publicly told off for dropping two grains of rice on a table in Pokhara, Nepal
• Most cultural conflict: Tibet
• Most polite people: Japan
• Most friendly (and nosy!) people: Nepal
• Most laid back people: New Zealand
• Most boozy nation: Oz?!
• Most bizarre food; crazy massaged meat in Japan? Looks very bad for you but tastes so good!

• Smartest car: Toni
• Most dilapidated car: Juliet and Ian
• Best skier: Ian...closely followed by my little sister, dammit
• Biggest cupcake tease: Caroline
• Most jammy: Sooze, for swinging corporate tickets to the Melbourne Cup, closely followed by Aziza, for managing to get paid while taking time off, having a company car and getting petrol paid for too!
• Most generous: everyone! Thanks so much - I would never have been able to do the Friendship Tour without you guys!

Learn the Lingo, Dingo: Aussie Rules

It's well known that Australians have their own, uniquely Australian language from the greeting "G'Day mate" to "throw another shrimp on the barbie". For those not familiar with their unique nuances and habits, here are a few basic rules to follow: -

Greet everyone with G'Day if it's an informal situation – this is the equivalent of Hello. Refer to everyone as Mate. Even if they aren't your mate - e.g. "Get lost, mate". Shorten words as much as possible, particularly people's names: -

"ie"

Angela becomes Angie
Australian becomes Aussie
Barbecue - Barbie
Christmas - Chrissie
Football becomes Footy, pronounced with a soft "T" somewhere between T & D
Mosquito - mossie
Presents - pressies
Sunglasses - sunnies
Tracksuit - trakkies

"o"
Johnathon becomes Johnno – thus you find Oz is populated by the likes of Johnno, Danno, Yobbo, Gobbo, Knobbo etc
Documentary - doco
Aggressive/aggravate - agro
Garbage Collector - garbo
Service station - servo
Bottle Shop - Bottlo
Smoko means a break from work for a smoke, and now means a tea break even if you don't smoke

To describe feelings, you may wish to use the following: -

I'm hungry: -
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies"
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey"
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread"
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair"
I'm thirsty: -
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nun's nasty."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bull's bum going up a hill backwards."
I'm going for a wee: -
"Gonna drain me dragon"
"Need to syphon the python"
"Takin' the kids to the pool"
"Gonna go water a horse"
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend"
I'm going for a poo: -
"I gotta go give birth to a Kiwi"
"Off to the bog to leave an offering"
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door"
"I'm going to give birth to your twin"

Add some gentle insults to your vocabulary: many Aussie colloquialisms affectionately take the mick or offer backhanded compliments. You might call a clumsy or foolish mate 'dag', 'galah', 'drongo' or 'boofhead'. Drongo is probably my personal favourite, which I've had the pleasure of hearing Aussies use on several occasions, meaning a dimwit, an inept, awkward, stupid or embarrassing person. There are also many ways of saying someone isn't particularly helpful or clever, such as: -
"A chop short of a barbie"
Couldn't find a grand piano in a one-roomed house"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Couldn't blow the froth off a glass of beer"
"Useless as an ashtray on a motorbike"
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders"
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition"

Colloquialisms of Aboriginal, Australian or British origin are common, and are integrated into local vocabulary, for example: -
Moggie - cat
Dinky-di - someone who is reliable, honest, genuine and true
Sanger - sandwich
Billabong - naturally damned body of water

To avoid getting too confused by restaurant menus, visit a supermarket to pick up things like the following: -

Capsicum – pepper
Egg plant – aubergine
Lollies – sweets/candy
Rock mellon – cantaloupe mellon
Zucchini – courgette
Disso – disinfectant cleaner
Biscuits – crackers, not sweet biscuits

And finally, here are a few choice phrases: -

"You're the shit that hangs off the wool on the rear end of a sheep": You're worthless
"She spat the dummy": "She had a tantrum"
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down": Said to put a curse on someone
"He has kangaroos in the top paddock": He's a bit crazy, mentally unbalanced
"She got the rough end of the pineapple": She got a raw deal.
"Go bite your bum!": Be quiet. And on that note...until next time.

A Day At the Races: Melbourne Madness

I fell in love with Melbourne as soon as I landed in the city.

I met Sooze at the airport, where her parents picked us up and promptly dropped us off in town at the Casino for what was going to be a nice quiet night of catching up. Before I knew it, we were talking nineteen to the dozen, drinking champagne, then ripping up the dance floor in a cheesy bar called JJ's. Everyone else was about 20 years older than us, and didn't seem to be having a good time when we arrived - it was a sea of grumpy faces. With our air guitar, crazy dancing and Sooze's song miming at the head of the impressive grand piano we soon changed that, causing havoc as we went. Intending to go home, we got in a taxi only to find ourselves heading to Melbourne institution Revolver for some late night grunge and yet more boogieing. The night was finished with lots of giggling and the required cups of tea and toast back at Sooze's house (plus a tour of her Mum's food cupboard in all its biscuity glory). A fine introduction to a fine city!

The following days were spent cruising about, taking in the earthy atmosphere, pretending to be robots/devils/stick men at the Museum of the Moving Image, gawping at crazy art that we didn't understand, helping Sooze survive the city's highest building, drinking coffee and perhaps a few wines here and there, dancing to some awesome live music at the Espy in St Kilda - and of course, shopping... for we had a very important day to prepare for...

Early on Tuesday morning, Sooze and I got up to get ready for the Melbourne Cup. When I told Sooze I'd visit her home town, she suggested we go to the Cup and I readily agreed. At that point, I had no idea of the style we'd be going in - she had managed to swing us corporate tickets in the Winner's Enclosure. It's all about having friends in the right places folks ;-). Donning hats, high heels and posh dresses, we headed for the Yarra river and set sail with a host of important and smart looking people (why did they let us on I wonder?!). Complete with champagne - as much as you wanted. And breakfast - yum yum little baby muffins and croissants. And the most amazing weather we could hope for - not a cloud in the sky.

Feeling like VIPs, we docked at Flemington and crossed the race track away from 'the common people' to our air conditioned tent near the finishing post. The champagne continued to flow, and we had the most delicious food at group tables - little canapes, then later lunch and desserts. We even had little presents to open, each containing a brand new pair of binos! Flemington is famous for its roses, and it certainly didn't disappoint.

But on to more important matters...The Melbourne Cup is Australia's major annual thoroughbred horse race. It takes place on a day of ten races (this year, the Emirates Melbourne Cup), and the actual Cup is race number seven... so there were plenty of races before hand to get us in the mood. The tension was particularly high this year, as a lot of horses weren't able to compete because of restrictions due to horse flu. We were given race books to swat up on those that had been taking their cold and flu tablets and to study the odds, and had several betting stands near us - so naturally, we got into the spirit early on. We poured over the likes of Maybe Better, Master O'Reilley, Just Curious and Simplest. I of course used serious tactics to decide which horses to go for in each competition - Blue Monday, because it is a song by New Order, Secret Daughter, because it sounds like a book I read recently...that sort of thing. Fail safe I thought. Not so! I did win 25 bucks on race four, but of course I got cocky and promptly spent it (and more).

By the time the actual Melbourne Cup rolled round, we were, ahem, several champagnes along and very much into the swing of the whole event (we had even picked up a couple of swanky gents to cruise around the race course with). We moved from the seats in our private grandstand (wooo!) to stand on the grass and watch the action close up. Sooze and I had placed so many different bets on different horses we figured one of us had to at least win something! Suddenly, the 'race that stops the nation' kicked off and the crowd on both sides of the course went wild, everyone screaming and waving as the horses ran past us and around the track. As they neared us a second time, it was neck and neck and it looked like I was going to get lucky with Purple Rain, until he was pipped at the post by Efficient. Damn. Guess he lived up to his name.

I looked at Sooze and she was laughing. "I didn't think it was any of our horses?", I queried. "It was my mystery bet!", she said with glee. So another winner for Sooze... We decided to cross and see what was happening on the other side of the tracks. It was chaos! By this stage in the afternoon, many people were looking sunburned, drunk, having arguments, missing bits of their outfits - hats, shoes, dresses... nevermind the horses, it was fantastic for people watching! We saw another race...and Sooze's horse Snort (great name eh?!) won. She went to claim, only to find she had misplaced the winning ticket. Damn!

So it was all go at the races...by the end of the last race, we'd been going for some time. The horses think they have it tough running for three and a half minutes, but we'd been drinking ten hours! That didn't stop us taking advantage of further beverages on the boat trip back into the city though. Or ending up at the Casino...deja vu, I thought to myself as I poured another glass of champers...

OTB, In More Ways Than One...

Sydney's Harbour Bridge is no secret; in fact, it's one of the most
instantly recognisable images from Australia.

Within 20 minutes or so of me landing in Oz, Caroline and Toni were driving
me across this world-wide icon in all its glory. Since then, I've gone
OTB (over the bridge...generally referred as going over the bridge
from south to north...most of my pals live OTB) on the bus, the train
and on foot. But it wasn't until Tuesday October 30th (Toni's
birthday) that I had experienced the most exciting and spectacular way
of crossing it...

On Tuesday, Tones and I got up at 5am and watched the sunrise over the
Bridge from Mc Mahons Point. Little did she know... Later that day I
picked her up from work, and took her to BridgeClimb for a birthday
surprise. We were decked out in fetching grey one piece numbers, which
looked like giant baby suits, and kitted out in full climbing
caboodle. Everything was attached to our clothing with little hooks,
and we even had headlamps and special straps for our sunnies. For
safety reasons, you can't take anything loose (including
cameras...which is a good thing, as no one would ever make it around
if they were stopping for pics every few seconds!). After a trial
climb up some stairs, we set off up like intrepid mountaineers set to
conquer a fabulous structure...

Before long, we were in the thick of the Bridge, going through it,
admiring the engineering and watching the world go by below us. A
short while later, we were on a level with the cars, people, bikes and
trains crossing the bridge itself, and clambering up several steep
ladders, hoiking our little chains a bit like prisoners all in a
line... but feeling infinitely superior as we were doing something few
people get to do! Soon after that, we were on the curve of the famous
arch itself, being told stories about its history and people who died
during its construction...

The view was simply spectacular as we ascended to the top; we could
see right across Sydney to the Blue Mountains and out to sea at the
other side. We could see the bright lights of Lunar Park and the tall
buildings of the city beckoning in the distance. The weather was just
perfect as we stopped for pictures with icons like the Opera House in
the background, and joked around in our oh-so-sexy giant jelly bean
outfits, looking windswept at the top. We descended as twilight was
coming on, hanging back at the end to see the sunset - beautiful.
Excellent fun...a very successful birthday surprise!

G'Day Mate:: Hanging with Sydney-siders

A couple of weeks ago I arrived in Sydney for the first time. I was greeted by Caroline, Toni and Bouncer the dog - complete with homemade welcome poster and balloon. Awesome, I've never had that kind of welcome before!

 

Since then I've been catching up with everyone, soaking up the sights, sounds and smells of Sydney and generally getting into mischief. I've lost count of the times I've seen that bridge and travelled over it - I walked across it this morning before 7am after watching the sun rise behind it, which was pretty cool. I've hung out with digital artists in the University of Technology, Sydney (UTS), been filmed walking around art galleries and visited numerous museums - very cultured, mate. I've sampled the local beverages, eaten at the fish markets, walked through bushland, swum in the water and lazed on the famous beaches. I've been to a charity launch, gawped at the Opera House and stared at the posers at Bondi with a mixture of envy and smug satisfaction that my life isn't all about posing... fortunately for me!

 

Some highlights so far include: -

• Visiting the Blue Mountains with Toni. Not only did we cruise along in Toni's Beamer on a gorgeous sunny day to go to the spectacular Jenolan Caves, check out the famous Three Sisters and visit the stunning Scenic World (complete with the world's steepest railway), but my good friend provided some helpful travel narrative. "What kind of tree is that Tones?" "It's a green tree. That one's a green tree too. That one's a yellowy-green tree". "What kind of bird is that?", "A damn noisy one". "Why do some trees look like they're bleeding?", "They're heartbroken because their friend has died - he's been chopped down", "But all the bleeding trees are together", "Yeah, they're all heartbroken because they're all friends. It's really sad". "What time is sunrise?" " 5.57...and first light is a little before sunrise" - No shit Sherlock!
• Chasing the Cupcakes and other culinary delights. After a day visiting the markets, Caroline decided to take me to Babycakes. Well, to try and take me. We just kept ending up on the wrong side of the railway, and when we eventually got to the shop, it had shut. No! So we visited another shop a few days later, with the most immaculate cupcakes I've ever seen - they seem to be somewhat of an Aussie obsession. I've also been to the dedicated chocolate cafe where you create your own hot choc, and I've been sampling every kind of choc bar I can get my hands on, with mixed results. All in the name of research obviously.
• Sitting in the gutter with Caroline having some roadies in true Oz style- we're classy birds. We were waiting for the Klaxons gig in Newtown and it was bucketing it down. Rather like England in fact. Poor Toni turned up looking slightly drowned. Is it possible to look slightly drowned? You get the picture. By the by, the gig was fantastic, and some crazy dancing was danced.
• Drinking cocktails at the top of the Shangri-La Hotel, and boozing at the Opera Bar looking across the harbour. Slightly higher on the classiness scale!
• Visiting Palm Beach, aka 'Summer Bay' (where Home & Away is filmed) with Caroline, then watching an electrical storm on the way home. '"You know we belong together..."
• Hunter Valley Wine Tour with Toni and Bridy. Naturally, this was high on the booze scale, and pretty amusing. The other people in our minibus were a pretty dull bunch, so the three of us had to make our own entertainment. We visited four different wineries, sampling around seven or eight wines at each. Plus drinking another two bottles in between tastings. It was a lovely sunny day, and we also got to sample chocolate and cheese - what more could a girl want?! We were slightly concerned at our last vineyard, when our host told us each wine is named after a dead person, who has their ashes spread on the vines... slightly morbid, but it didn't stop us enjoying the beverages on hand. In case you're interested, Cyril tasted the best. Many bottles of vino were purchased. And the whole bus (those that weren't sleeping) got to hear 'Toni's tales of trouble' on the way home...
• Having an Aussie barbie at Toni's apartment, complete with all the Pentagonites present in Sydney - six in total.

This afternoon I'm off to do something very exciting for Toni's birthday. She doesn't know what it is yet, so I'll leave it at that...

Sweet As Bro, She'll Be 'Right Mate, Good As Gold

A couple of quick observations on the kiwi nation before I move on to Oz...

• Kiwis are kiwi and proud. It was a sorry day when the All Blacks went out
• Kiwis very much have their own lingo - some favourite phrases: "if your brains were barbed wire you couldn't fence a dunny" (you are stupid), "two-thirds of five-eighths of fuck all" (very little), "up shit creak in leaky gumboots"  (variant of up shit creek without a paddle, meaning in trouble), "couldn't see the road to the dunny if it had red flags on it" (said of someone slow witted...or totally drunk)...I could go on.
• It's customary to refer to everyone as mate, bro or cuz - even if they aren't.
• It's compulsory to add 'eh?' to the end of as many statements as possible: they don't have to be questions. Examples: "it's real cool eh?", "facking hot mate eh?", "gotta get my a into g eh?", "always good to have a tinnie in ya hand mate eh?"
• They are positive about everything, and understate any problems. You say, "My dog got run over"...it's "she'll be right mate!"... "No, my dog is dead"..."Aw...she'll be right mate! This is a common attitude to indicate everything will be ok - refreshing coming from the UK.
• Everything is nice, delicious, fantastic, awesome, amaaazing - never described as mediocre. Even if it is.
• Kiwis frequently state the obvious. Their signposts make me chuckle, with helpful things such as "wrong way" on the road and "do not do this because...listing a million reasons".

I spent my last night in NZ in Christchurch with James, who I lived with in Bristol about 7 years ago and hadn't seen for about 5. He had arrived two days earlier, for a two year stint and is yet to learn the above... give it about a week I say! Catch ya later bro...

Garage Tales: Skiing, Swimming & Sunbathing in NZ's South Island

My sister Juliet is living in a garage. No joke.

When she told me she was living in a garage, I somehow expected it to be, well, less garage like. Not so! There is one main huge area which is the bedroom cum living room cum kitchen cum dining room cum guest cum ski room cum storage room cum TV room...you get the picture! In typical JJ style, this room looks like a veritable soup of everything she owns - strewn about the place are skis, boots, undies, thermals, an incredible amount of hats, books, alcohol, receipts, half-eaten chocolate bars, bits of rubbish and all number of interesting but potentially trippable overable objects. You have to go out of a locked door to get to the toilet, and the shower looks like its made from a car - the floor is metal. And given JJ is living in a garage, it was a little surprising that her car looked like it was going to fall apart - the exhaust was making those worrying 'may be about to drop off' type noises. But it - and we - survived a very fun nine days of exciting activities!

JJ and Ian picked me up at Queenstown and took me straight out for a much welcome hangover cure at Fergburger - I blame Colette and Aziza for my slightly sorry state on the plane... We drank chili hot chocolate (awesome, you should try it) and wandered around the lake before going on the familiar drive to Wanaka. It was so strange to be back in that part of the world - I'd been over four years earlier with Andrew on our South Island road trip and the memories just came flooding back.

The following days were spent lounging around on the beach, walking up hills, going to Puzzling World and getting lost in the maze, eating muffins, watching the one TV channel, joking around and skiing at Cardrona, where I had been four years ago. Juliet is disgustingly good now, being an instructor and all - I tried not to be too jealous! To be honest, the 'sunbathing' of this title is a little ironic...I was bloody freezing, and couldn't understand it when everyone kept saying "it's warm, isn't it eh?!" in all truthfulness! We went to the funky local cinema twice, where you can sit on sofas, airline chairs and even in a car, to see The Lives Of Others and Die Hard 4 (rock on Brucey!). But a more amazing thing was being taken out to a gorgeous restaurant by my younger sister - this was a turnover for the books but I'm not complaining! I ate the best lamb I've ever tasted, and some tongue-loosening cocktails...

We took a road trip down south (and yes, the car did make it!), stopping at Te Anau on the way. JJ and Ian went off to the Glow Worm Caves, while I ran around the lake. Yes, you did read that correctly. Well, when I say ran round the lake, I don't mean ALL the way round. And I did screw up slightly be eating pizza and drinking wine afterwards but that's not the point!

The next day we headed to Doubtful Sound for an amazing overnight cruise. We set sail like the explorers of old, taking a boat and a bus just to get to the sound. We cruised all over amid spectacular scenery, spotting penguins, bottlenose dolphins, albatross and fur seals. We rammed our faces full of delicious food, went kayaking under waterfalls, gazed at the stars from the deck and couldn't believe our luck when we got an extra large cabin - bingo! JJ was crazy enough to go swimming in the fiord... For a full piece on the cruise including photos see http://www.hereorthere.com/