Amelia's Friendship Tour & Other Travels 2007 - Some Statistics

Now that I'm back in the UK, I thought I'd compile some statistics and other interesting info for this year: -

• Countries visited: Six - France, Nepal, Tibet/China, Japan, New Zealand, Australia
• Countries visited with mountains: Six (says something about my interests)
• Aussie states visited: Three - New South Wales, Victoria and Queensland
• Flights taken: too many, feel a bit guilty about that
• Favoured airline: Qatar Airways - for having nice staff and for upgrading me on the way back from Kathmandu
• Pentagonites visited: Ten - Aziza, Colette, Toni, Caroline, Margs, Tim, Dee, Sooze and honoraries Damien, Simone and (lived in the Pentagon for one month each)
• People seen who I've lived with: 12! - Aziza, Colette, Juliet, James, Toni, Caroline, Margs, Tim, Dee, Sooze, Damien, Simone
• School friends visited: One - Rosie in Japan
• Pentagon birthdays present for: Four (Aziza, Dee, Margs, Toni)
  
• Bands seen beginning with K: Two, The Klaxons and The Killers
• Crazy dances danced: many
• Nights spent in the gutter in the rain: one... I blame Caroline ;-)
• Countries where showered under a waterfall: two - Nepal and New Zealand
• Countries swam in: four Nepal, Japan, New Zealand, Australia
• Aussie barbies eaten: two, both expertly cooked by Aussie men. Three including brekkers!
• Kit Kat varieties sampled: infinite amounts, including green tea, kiwi fruit and melon
• Cupcakes eaten: seven thousand six hundred and eighty five. Or at least it feels like it
• Shoes broken: one, sliding down a hill on a piece of card with Colette and Aziza
• Shoes gained: errr, several pairs - one for free from Caroline (thanks!) one for $9.50 in NZ and one for the Melbourne Cup, half price navy blue boots - gotta be savvy about these things!
• Items lost: so many it's ridiculous - ring, penknife, clothing... the list goes on but it's just too upsetting to write it

• Favourite food: Japanese - though best meal goes to Botswana Butchery in Wanaka - thanks JJ!
• Favourite venue: The Espy, Melbourne
• Favourite weather: Australia...despite some dodgy English-like days!
• Favourite mountains: sorry, but it has to be the Himalayas
  
• Worst hangover: very tough call between post crazy Melbourne night, post host bar night and post Auckland night out. Post host bar night wins! Dodgy green local brew is to blame
• Worst mosquito bites: tough call, but would have to plump for Nepal and the time those little buggers bit my face
• Worst travel illness: Tibetan donkey flu - I still don't think my lungs have recovered
• Worst local drink: Raksi, which tastes similar to meths. Not that I generally drink meths you understand
  
• Highest point visited: Somewhere high up on the Tibetan plateau - 5200 metres
• Strangest place slept: on the floor in a cramped smoke-filled room on grass mats which I was allergic too, next to three other volunteers and the most corn I've ever seen.
• Strangest place drank: in a club in a subway station in Japan or with locals in a remote village in the Kathmandu valley
• Strangest place eaten: in a local momo store in the back streets of Lhasa, Tibet, with all the local ladies gawping at me
• Biggest culture shock: arriving in Nepal and driving through the streets to my guest house. I'd never seen so much poverty at close hand before
• Hardest battle: trekking in the Himalayas - or persuading 45 enthusiastic Nepalese ten year olds to be quiet
• Biggest challenge: persuading myself to keep going after six weeks in Nepal. I was sick of the disorganisation, sick of the food and lack of comfort and generally sick. But I kept going!

• Most attractive city: Sydney
• Most awkward moment: being publicly told off for dropping two grains of rice on a table in Pokhara, Nepal
• Most cultural conflict: Tibet
• Most polite people: Japan
• Most friendly (and nosy!) people: Nepal
• Most laid back people: New Zealand
• Most boozy nation: Oz?!
• Most bizarre food; crazy massaged meat in Japan? Looks very bad for you but tastes so good!

• Smartest car: Toni
• Most dilapidated car: Juliet and Ian
• Best skier: Ian...closely followed by my little sister, dammit
• Biggest cupcake tease: Caroline
• Most jammy: Sooze, for swinging corporate tickets to the Melbourne Cup, closely followed by Aziza, for managing to get paid while taking time off, having a company car and getting petrol paid for too!
• Most generous: everyone! Thanks so much - I would never have been able to do the Friendship Tour without you guys!

Learn the Lingo, Dingo: Aussie Rules

It's well known that Australians have their own, uniquely Australian language from the greeting "G'Day mate" to "throw another shrimp on the barbie". For those not familiar with their unique nuances and habits, here are a few basic rules to follow: -

Greet everyone with G'Day if it's an informal situation – this is the equivalent of Hello. Refer to everyone as Mate. Even if they aren't your mate - e.g. "Get lost, mate". Shorten words as much as possible, particularly people's names: -

"ie"

Angela becomes Angie
Australian becomes Aussie
Barbecue - Barbie
Christmas - Chrissie
Football becomes Footy, pronounced with a soft "T" somewhere between T & D
Mosquito - mossie
Presents - pressies
Sunglasses - sunnies
Tracksuit - trakkies

"o"
Johnathon becomes Johnno – thus you find Oz is populated by the likes of Johnno, Danno, Yobbo, Gobbo, Knobbo etc
Documentary - doco
Aggressive/aggravate - agro
Garbage Collector - garbo
Service station - servo
Bottle Shop - Bottlo
Smoko means a break from work for a smoke, and now means a tea break even if you don't smoke

To describe feelings, you may wish to use the following: -

I'm hungry: -
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies"
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey"
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread"
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair"
I'm thirsty: -
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nun's nasty."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bull's bum going up a hill backwards."
I'm going for a wee: -
"Gonna drain me dragon"
"Need to syphon the python"
"Takin' the kids to the pool"
"Gonna go water a horse"
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend"
I'm going for a poo: -
"I gotta go give birth to a Kiwi"
"Off to the bog to leave an offering"
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door"
"I'm going to give birth to your twin"

Add some gentle insults to your vocabulary: many Aussie colloquialisms affectionately take the mick or offer backhanded compliments. You might call a clumsy or foolish mate 'dag', 'galah', 'drongo' or 'boofhead'. Drongo is probably my personal favourite, which I've had the pleasure of hearing Aussies use on several occasions, meaning a dimwit, an inept, awkward, stupid or embarrassing person. There are also many ways of saying someone isn't particularly helpful or clever, such as: -
"A chop short of a barbie"
Couldn't find a grand piano in a one-roomed house"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Couldn't blow the froth off a glass of beer"
"Useless as an ashtray on a motorbike"
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders"
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition"

Colloquialisms of Aboriginal, Australian or British origin are common, and are integrated into local vocabulary, for example: -
Moggie - cat
Dinky-di - someone who is reliable, honest, genuine and true
Sanger - sandwich
Billabong - naturally damned body of water

To avoid getting too confused by restaurant menus, visit a supermarket to pick up things like the following: -

Capsicum – pepper
Egg plant – aubergine
Lollies – sweets/candy
Rock mellon – cantaloupe mellon
Zucchini – courgette
Disso – disinfectant cleaner
Biscuits – crackers, not sweet biscuits

And finally, here are a few choice phrases: -

"You're the shit that hangs off the wool on the rear end of a sheep": You're worthless
"She spat the dummy": "She had a tantrum"
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down": Said to put a curse on someone
"He has kangaroos in the top paddock": He's a bit crazy, mentally unbalanced
"She got the rough end of the pineapple": She got a raw deal.
"Go bite your bum!": Be quiet. And on that note...until next time.

A Day At the Races: Melbourne Madness

I fell in love with Melbourne as soon as I landed in the city.

I met Sooze at the airport, where her parents picked us up and promptly dropped us off in town at the Casino for what was going to be a nice quiet night of catching up. Before I knew it, we were talking nineteen to the dozen, drinking champagne, then ripping up the dance floor in a cheesy bar called JJ's. Everyone else was about 20 years older than us, and didn't seem to be having a good time when we arrived - it was a sea of grumpy faces. With our air guitar, crazy dancing and Sooze's song miming at the head of the impressive grand piano we soon changed that, causing havoc as we went. Intending to go home, we got in a taxi only to find ourselves heading to Melbourne institution Revolver for some late night grunge and yet more boogieing. The night was finished with lots of giggling and the required cups of tea and toast back at Sooze's house (plus a tour of her Mum's food cupboard in all its biscuity glory). A fine introduction to a fine city!

The following days were spent cruising about, taking in the earthy atmosphere, pretending to be robots/devils/stick men at the Museum of the Moving Image, gawping at crazy art that we didn't understand, helping Sooze survive the city's highest building, drinking coffee and perhaps a few wines here and there, dancing to some awesome live music at the Espy in St Kilda - and of course, shopping... for we had a very important day to prepare for...

Early on Tuesday morning, Sooze and I got up to get ready for the Melbourne Cup. When I told Sooze I'd visit her home town, she suggested we go to the Cup and I readily agreed. At that point, I had no idea of the style we'd be going in - she had managed to swing us corporate tickets in the Winner's Enclosure. It's all about having friends in the right places folks ;-). Donning hats, high heels and posh dresses, we headed for the Yarra river and set sail with a host of important and smart looking people (why did they let us on I wonder?!). Complete with champagne - as much as you wanted. And breakfast - yum yum little baby muffins and croissants. And the most amazing weather we could hope for - not a cloud in the sky.

Feeling like VIPs, we docked at Flemington and crossed the race track away from 'the common people' to our air conditioned tent near the finishing post. The champagne continued to flow, and we had the most delicious food at group tables - little canapes, then later lunch and desserts. We even had little presents to open, each containing a brand new pair of binos! Flemington is famous for its roses, and it certainly didn't disappoint.

But on to more important matters...The Melbourne Cup is Australia's major annual thoroughbred horse race. It takes place on a day of ten races (this year, the Emirates Melbourne Cup), and the actual Cup is race number seven... so there were plenty of races before hand to get us in the mood. The tension was particularly high this year, as a lot of horses weren't able to compete because of restrictions due to horse flu. We were given race books to swat up on those that had been taking their cold and flu tablets and to study the odds, and had several betting stands near us - so naturally, we got into the spirit early on. We poured over the likes of Maybe Better, Master O'Reilley, Just Curious and Simplest. I of course used serious tactics to decide which horses to go for in each competition - Blue Monday, because it is a song by New Order, Secret Daughter, because it sounds like a book I read recently...that sort of thing. Fail safe I thought. Not so! I did win 25 bucks on race four, but of course I got cocky and promptly spent it (and more).

By the time the actual Melbourne Cup rolled round, we were, ahem, several champagnes along and very much into the swing of the whole event (we had even picked up a couple of swanky gents to cruise around the race course with). We moved from the seats in our private grandstand (wooo!) to stand on the grass and watch the action close up. Sooze and I had placed so many different bets on different horses we figured one of us had to at least win something! Suddenly, the 'race that stops the nation' kicked off and the crowd on both sides of the course went wild, everyone screaming and waving as the horses ran past us and around the track. As they neared us a second time, it was neck and neck and it looked like I was going to get lucky with Purple Rain, until he was pipped at the post by Efficient. Damn. Guess he lived up to his name.

I looked at Sooze and she was laughing. "I didn't think it was any of our horses?", I queried. "It was my mystery bet!", she said with glee. So another winner for Sooze... We decided to cross and see what was happening on the other side of the tracks. It was chaos! By this stage in the afternoon, many people were looking sunburned, drunk, having arguments, missing bits of their outfits - hats, shoes, dresses... nevermind the horses, it was fantastic for people watching! We saw another race...and Sooze's horse Snort (great name eh?!) won. She went to claim, only to find she had misplaced the winning ticket. Damn!

So it was all go at the races...by the end of the last race, we'd been going for some time. The horses think they have it tough running for three and a half minutes, but we'd been drinking ten hours! That didn't stop us taking advantage of further beverages on the boat trip back into the city though. Or ending up at the Casino...deja vu, I thought to myself as I poured another glass of champers...

OTB, In More Ways Than One...

Sydney's Harbour Bridge is no secret; in fact, it's one of the most
instantly recognisable images from Australia.

Within 20 minutes or so of me landing in Oz, Caroline and Toni were driving
me across this world-wide icon in all its glory. Since then, I've gone
OTB (over the bridge...generally referred as going over the bridge
from south to north...most of my pals live OTB) on the bus, the train
and on foot. But it wasn't until Tuesday October 30th (Toni's
birthday) that I had experienced the most exciting and spectacular way
of crossing it...

On Tuesday, Tones and I got up at 5am and watched the sunrise over the
Bridge from Mc Mahons Point. Little did she know... Later that day I
picked her up from work, and took her to BridgeClimb for a birthday
surprise. We were decked out in fetching grey one piece numbers, which
looked like giant baby suits, and kitted out in full climbing
caboodle. Everything was attached to our clothing with little hooks,
and we even had headlamps and special straps for our sunnies. For
safety reasons, you can't take anything loose (including
cameras...which is a good thing, as no one would ever make it around
if they were stopping for pics every few seconds!). After a trial
climb up some stairs, we set off up like intrepid mountaineers set to
conquer a fabulous structure...

Before long, we were in the thick of the Bridge, going through it,
admiring the engineering and watching the world go by below us. A
short while later, we were on a level with the cars, people, bikes and
trains crossing the bridge itself, and clambering up several steep
ladders, hoiking our little chains a bit like prisoners all in a
line... but feeling infinitely superior as we were doing something few
people get to do! Soon after that, we were on the curve of the famous
arch itself, being told stories about its history and people who died
during its construction...

The view was simply spectacular as we ascended to the top; we could
see right across Sydney to the Blue Mountains and out to sea at the
other side. We could see the bright lights of Lunar Park and the tall
buildings of the city beckoning in the distance. The weather was just
perfect as we stopped for pictures with icons like the Opera House in
the background, and joked around in our oh-so-sexy giant jelly bean
outfits, looking windswept at the top. We descended as twilight was
coming on, hanging back at the end to see the sunset - beautiful.
Excellent fun...a very successful birthday surprise!