Learn the Lingo, Dingo: Aussie Rules

It's well known that Australians have their own, uniquely Australian language from the greeting "G'Day mate" to "throw another shrimp on the barbie". For those not familiar with their unique nuances and habits, here are a few basic rules to follow: -

Greet everyone with G'Day if it's an informal situation – this is the equivalent of Hello. Refer to everyone as Mate. Even if they aren't your mate - e.g. "Get lost, mate". Shorten words as much as possible, particularly people's names: -

"ie"

Angela becomes Angie
Australian becomes Aussie
Barbecue - Barbie
Christmas - Chrissie
Football becomes Footy, pronounced with a soft "T" somewhere between T & D
Mosquito - mossie
Presents - pressies
Sunglasses - sunnies
Tracksuit - trakkies

"o"
Johnathon becomes Johnno – thus you find Oz is populated by the likes of Johnno, Danno, Yobbo, Gobbo, Knobbo etc
Documentary - doco
Aggressive/aggravate - agro
Garbage Collector - garbo
Service station - servo
Bottle Shop - Bottlo
Smoko means a break from work for a smoke, and now means a tea break even if you don't smoke

To describe feelings, you may wish to use the following: -

I'm hungry: -
"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies"
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey"
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread"
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair"
I'm thirsty: -
"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nun's nasty."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bull's bum going up a hill backwards."
I'm going for a wee: -
"Gonna drain me dragon"
"Need to syphon the python"
"Takin' the kids to the pool"
"Gonna go water a horse"
"Shake hands with the wife's best friend"
I'm going for a poo: -
"I gotta go give birth to a Kiwi"
"Off to the bog to leave an offering"
"There's a brown dog barking at the back door"
"I'm going to give birth to your twin"

Add some gentle insults to your vocabulary: many Aussie colloquialisms affectionately take the mick or offer backhanded compliments. You might call a clumsy or foolish mate 'dag', 'galah', 'drongo' or 'boofhead'. Drongo is probably my personal favourite, which I've had the pleasure of hearing Aussies use on several occasions, meaning a dimwit, an inept, awkward, stupid or embarrassing person. There are also many ways of saying someone isn't particularly helpful or clever, such as: -
"A chop short of a barbie"
Couldn't find a grand piano in a one-roomed house"
"A stubbie short of a six pack."
"Couldn't blow the froth off a glass of beer"
"Useless as an ashtray on a motorbike"
"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders"
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition"

Colloquialisms of Aboriginal, Australian or British origin are common, and are integrated into local vocabulary, for example: -
Moggie - cat
Dinky-di - someone who is reliable, honest, genuine and true
Sanger - sandwich
Billabong - naturally damned body of water

To avoid getting too confused by restaurant menus, visit a supermarket to pick up things like the following: -

Capsicum – pepper
Egg plant – aubergine
Lollies – sweets/candy
Rock mellon – cantaloupe mellon
Zucchini – courgette
Disso – disinfectant cleaner
Biscuits – crackers, not sweet biscuits

And finally, here are a few choice phrases: -

"You're the shit that hangs off the wool on the rear end of a sheep": You're worthless
"She spat the dummy": "She had a tantrum"
"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down": Said to put a curse on someone
"He has kangaroos in the top paddock": He's a bit crazy, mentally unbalanced
"She got the rough end of the pineapple": She got a raw deal.
"Go bite your bum!": Be quiet. And on that note...until next time.