An Elephant Snotted On Me, & Other Tales From the Jungle

So, after a week or so of delays (due to, you've guessed it, yet more strikes) and some boozing and livin' it up in the city, the Cultural Destination Nepal volunteers went off for our final 'group outing'. We drove west out of the city to the Trisuli river, eyeing up the waves with keen interest (it was the same river Mountaineer Schiller and I had walked by in Langtang National Park). We were all set to go white water rafting, another one to add to the so-called 'extreme sports' list.

 

By mid-morning, we had donned life jackets and were sitting in the raft, our feet wedged in, cruising down the river and cresting the waves. It was good fun, peddling through the water, getting splashed in the face, but all seemed relatively tame until we stopped on a beach for lunch. After that the real fun started as we got tossed about all over the place and got ridiculously wet!

 

We stopped by the side of the river so our guides could check out the waves round the corner... they gave the thumbs up, so off we went. And my god, the waves were massive! We paddled furiously through the spray, up and down, as our guide yelled "forward, forward, harder, harder!". I could feel the adrenalin pumping through my veins as I strode forward and tried not to fall out.

 

When we got to the end of the waves, we high-fived with our paddles and our guide told us we had just done a grade six rapid! No wonder it felt difficult! He also said if we had capsized, we could have hit a massive rock and died. Something they don't tell you before you do it, or mention in the guidebooks! The cheeky (and quite hunky) Nepali guy next to me decided I was a target, threw a bucket of water over me, before pushing me into the river and all hell broke lose. It was great, floating through the valley and being carried along by the tide.

 

We docked on the beach, ready to move on to our next destination. Except we couldn't due to... yet another strike! So we had an impromptu camping session on the beach, under the stars by the river. Sounds quite romantic, except it was bug-infested, stinking hot, there weren't enough tents and we were totally unprepared (bound as we were for our luxury lodge!). But still, seeing the stars and listening to the river was great, and we made the best of it.

 

Next on the list was Chitwan National Park, a large jungle/park famed for its wildlife. As there was no public transport, we ended up going with the crazy Nepali that had pushed me in the water the day before, in his big, insanely decorated oil truck - another interesting form of transport...

 

Nepal is made up of three regions defined by its topographical changes. In the north are the Himalayas, in the middle the hills with the Mahabharat range and the Churia hills and in the south is the Terai, with flatter forested areas. Chitwan was my first proper visit to the Terai, and it was HOT! I was mega excited (not for the first time in this country), because we would be going elephant riding - and I freaking love elephants!

 

That first day, we delighted in out luxury accommodation and took pleasure in cleaning the rafting and camping skuzz from our clothes and bodies. After gorging ourselves on tasty food, it was time to visit the elephants for the first time. But more on elephants later... We went to the local museum and sat drinking cocktails watching the sun set over the river. This was followed by a 'cultural performance', where men dressed as women and danced with sticks - as you do...

 

After a beer-fueled night we awoke at 5.30am (that's late by Nepali standards) and bleary-eyed got up to canoe down the river. We saw peacocks, monkeys and crocodiles to name just a few species. Next it was time for an early morning 'nature walk', jumping over puddles and looking out for wild beasts. We successfully tracked rhino footprints and big heaps of still steaming poo to find the rare great one-horned rhinoceros going about his business in the Jungle.

 

It was then time to visit the elephant breeding centre. Baby elephants are so sweet, I was in elephant heaven! So, there I was feeding cute little baby ele, when cute little baby ele decided to blow down its nose at me. And even baby elephants have big noses, in case you hadn't noticed. I looked down at my shirt (practically the only clean thing I had left to wear after the rafting/skanky camping expedition) and it was covered in a slimy substance, which bizarrely enough, resembled curry - a huge clump of elephant snot! Bet you never knew elephant snot was like curry. But then again, perhaps it's just Nepalese elephants. Anyway...

 

Next on the list was elephant bathing. Now, in theory this all sounds rather lovely - plodding down to the river to give ol' ele' a nice bath, bubbles and radox, that kind of thing. In reality it was rather different - though absolutely wicked! Once we were clad in our swimming togs, our ele came to pick us up - literally. We clambered onto her from a special elephant boarding platform (no kidding) and three of us rode her bareback to the water.

 

Now, I really love elephants. But this particular ride has to be one of the most painful journeys I've had - and there have been some pretty painful ones in this country! I literally felt like I had elephant bone going up my arse - one tip, never go as the third person on an Asian elephant. Being at the front or the middle is much more comfortable, as I later discovered.

 

Ele then repeatedly threw us off into the water, squirting us with her trunk. Very good fun, but quite painful at times - some friction burns! I have concluded that there are few more inelegant (inelephant?) things than getting stuck halfway up an elephant's head, dripping wet and in fits of laughter.

 

After scrubbing ele with a stone, it was time for the ride back. We had been warned our guide was new, and I was concerned when our elephant seemed to embark on a race with the one further ahead - being at the front of a galloping elephant is a bit scary! But fortunately we all survived to tell the tale.

 

In the afternoon, we had another elephant ride - this time in a box-type contraption, so slightly more comfy and sedate. We went through the jungle in the rain, spotting deer and other animals, while our guide tried to terrify Julie with bugs and shouting "tiger tiger", yet pointing to a tree, and 'eeee-snake' but pointing to a stick. All good fun in the jungle.

 

The next day, it was time for me to undertake my own personal pilgrimage to Lumbini, birthplace of the Buddha. Despite a window exploding all over me on the way (my second window-related incident on this trip), I had a great time there, and was pretty much the only tourist in the whole place (I didn't see a single white person). I explored the old village, contemplated my existence in the Sacred Garden and visited various temples built by Buddhist nations from all over the world. It was then time for another long bus journey, this time back to Kathmandu, in preparation for my last bout of teaching...wish me luck!