F is for Frustration...

F is for Frustration...

 

The last few weeks have been intensely frustrating. Don't get me wrong, there have been some real highs, and I love the kids, but there have also been some real lows. In no particular order, here are just some of the things I've wanted to rant about (and have done so in joint ranting sessions with Julie): -

 

The naughtiness/noisiness of the kids! They just will not keep quiet sometimes! This is so goddamn annoying when you are trying to let them do something fun, but cannot explain because they are making such a racket. I know so much of this arises from enthusiasm, and sometimes they are really good. But have a day of noisy classes and you just want to knock someone's block off. Not that a gentle type such as me would ever do this - I just sit festering in my room for five minutes, then emerge calm and collected with a smile on my face (well, this is what I hope - in reality I may still have a face like thunder ;-) ). It's also irritating that the other teachers don't have many useful tips: "just be more strict" or "beat them!". It's not my style to beat them, Sir.

 

The seemingly total lack of organisation in the school. This is one of those classic situations where if things were more organised, so much more could be achieved. Despite being at school for a month, I never had a set timetable, but went from random class to random class. During their free periods, the teachers sit about, sometimes doing things but sometimes just chatting. So many things are written out in pencil, or copied out over and over again - despite the fact there's a whole room of computers, not to mention the one in the Principal's office. My school actually has a fair amount of resources, but opportunities go to waste because so often things are haphazard. There are so many talents among the staff and students too, which could be exploited more effectively and to benefit so many people. That said, I don't want to sound too critical - my school is much more progressive than so many more Nepali schools, and it's definitely moving forward.

 

The education system - particularly how it affects the hostel kids. There's a real emphasis on learning by the book here, and on rote learning too - often I'll walk by a class where the kids are just repeating something for an hour. The hostel kids spend hours in the morning and evening, before and after school, in the classroom - often they are having their ear tweaked because they're literally falling asleep at the table. Even when they have finished their homework, they are told to read chapters in their course books that they may have read several times already.

 

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been battling against this, but it's not easy to break the mould. In particular, I've come into conflict with the new teacher on the block, who has been taking away schoolbooks from the kids when I've specifically given them to them, and making them do something boring! I've stuck to my guns though, and now I think he can (sort of) see some of the benefits. There's little emphasis on creativity and independent thought - often the kids just copy each other's homework, and some of them find it difficult to come up with something independent. When we do drawing or making things, they often want something to copy, as if they aren't used to being creative. I understand the emphasis on education - but 10 hours in a classroom in a day, when you're only 8? Come on, surely every kid deserves a break every now and again - and who said reading Winnie the Pooh wasn't educational?!

 

The general lack of responsibility - especially over the environment. This I find absolutely maddening. Nepal is a country of great natural beauty, yes the locals just dump rubbish, piss and shit all over everything, and in everything. The river outside my bedroom smells so disgusting I can't open my windows, and I have to breathe out really slowly every time I cross the river - learning to dive all those years ago helps! It's such a shame, honestly, it really is. Every time I speak to someone about it, they say it's the Government's fault. I do believe the Government is at fault to an extent, but there's also a real reluctance among many people to take individual responsibility for anything, and to acknowledge that if they drop their noodle packet on the ground, they too are contributing to the mess.

 

G is for Guilt

 

There are many things to feel guilty about in Nepal - having money, being British, coming from a rich country which Nepali people perceive as magical, spending money on things that Nepali people wouldn't approve of, having a boyfriend, not being married, not being Hindu, drinking beer and eating cows to name just a few. And being a person who often feels guilty about things she shouldn't, this has been a challenge. Sometimes I feel like people are deliberately trying to make me feel guilty! The other day I sent a little boy out, and felt bad afterwards - he looked like he was going to cry and he was so cute, on of the cutest boys in that class. But my, when I'd talked to him and let him back in, he worked his little Nepali socks off!

 

Yesterday, I got so cross with the kids and made them write lines as they wouldn't be quiet when we were playing a game. Then Shiva Sir turned up to ask why I was still teaching the class, when it was another teacher's period - and it turned out the teacher had turned up and gone away and the kids were bluffing to make me stay and the teacher hadn't interrupted and I hadn't heard the bell because with my deafness I can't always hear it and the kids were being annoying and the teachers were being annoying and I just wanted to rant and rave and scream(stream of consciousness ranting and raving)! And then I felt really bad about it afterwards. But it's been great for me to have this experience - on reflection, I realised I didn't need to punish myself. I've been working really hard in tough conditions, and I have been doing my best. Going against the grain and trying to be creative is hard, particularly in classes of 45 raucous Nepali eleven year olds!.

 

However, G is also for Good Times. There have been so many precious moments over the last few weeks, moments that I'm sure I'll remember when the frustration has faded to be a distant memory. Cute kids holding my hand and skipping down the road in the rain, playing basketball with them, children jossling for my attention, wanting to tell me jokes, read me stories, give me flowers, draw pictures for me, dance with me and so on. The fact that every morning, kids are desperate to talk to me and beg me to come to their class. And those intimate moments with just one or two kids, where it feels like there's a closer connection. Plus all the friendships I've made and the laughs I've had with the teachers and staff, despite the communication difficulties.

 

H is for...Holiday!

 

Well, after over a month at Manakamana School, it's time for Amrita Miss to have a holiday. I'll be starting off with a village trek, followed no doubt by some other escapades and adventures - future blogs to follow...H is also for hope - I've decided that my school work isn't over yet, so I'll be going back to Manakamana for a while in June. I really hope it will be easier the second time around, that the kids will be just as glad to see me and that I'll have some more great times to report. And don't forget, H is for Happiness too - and a wise person once said "Happiness is a journey, not a destination", so we have to make the most of every opportunity...