So, a few days ago I was invited to a traditional Nepali Wedding. This was quite an honour, especially as I was the only Westerner there. Dev, the Founder of my school, drove me and several of his relatives on the long journey to Pokhara on Sunday afternoon. As soon as we drove out of Kathmandu Valley, the scenery changed dramatically and was so beautiful – it felt like a different world, away from all the smoke, dust and dirt of the city and surrounding areas. We stopped for traditional fried fish and potato cakes by the river – I guess the Nepali equivalent of fish and chips!
After a long drive, we arrived at the huge family home, where around 40 relatives were staying. I managed to get a bed, sleeping in a room where two little boys were sharing. The next day I got up at 4.30, and Dev took me to Sarankot to see the mountains. Unfortunately we didn't make it for sunrise as a car had broken down on the road, and it was cloudy over the mountains – but finally I did at least get to see them! They are magnificent, and although I don't have amazing photos I have at least been able to see them with my own eyes, which makes me happy.
After eating the traditional wedding breads (many different kinds and very sweet), I got changed into a purple silk sari that one of the sisters of the Groom lent me. Putting on a sari is difficult, but fortunately there were people around to help me and pin it to make sure it didn't fall down!
At around 10.30, the Wedding started. I was with the Groom's family, which meant the first part of the ceremony started at the house I was staying at. The Groom was decorated with flowers and a big wreath around his neck, and had to greet all members of his family. Everyone, including me, took tika, and there were lots of exchanges of gifts. The groom even sucked his mother's breast under a blanket to signal that he would never do this again, and was fully grown (I must stress, this was NOT in a Little Britain type way!). After lots of ceremony, traditional Nepali music started with strange, large horn instruments, and the Groom was driven in a black car decorated with so many flowers to kick-start the procession. We all followed to the place where the Bride and her family were waiting. This took a fair while as we ceremoniously made our way down the road with all the locals looking on (especially at me, towering a foot above the other ladies!).
The Groom joined the Bride, and everyone ate special food. I was then whisked off to Phewa Lake with some of the family members, who took me boating – we even drank some beers looking at a view of the mountains above the lake (the snow-capped peaks occasionally surfaced!). After a couple of hours, we went back to the Wedding, where there were still several hours to go.
The Bride and Groom sat under a colourful shelter with the Priest, doing Puja to the Gods and making various exchanges. The Bride was dressed in red and gold finery, surrounded by so many people dressed up to the nines. Then the parents and grandparents of both Bride and Groom held a ceremony to show acceptance of each other, where they exchanged gifts – and smeared tika all over each other's faces. Every member of the groom's family was presented with gifts, which took hours! At around this time, a bizarre process started whereby the Bride's friends and relatives hid the Groom's shoes, and the Groom's family had to bargain for them in a long drawn-out process!
After what seemed like ages (so much longer than a typical English Wedding), the Bride's father carried her down the steps to the car. She was sobbing almost uncontrollably and didn't want to let him go. I guess this is the thing with arranged marriages - the Groom was so happy but the Bride so upset. It felt quite strange to see, as it was so different to what I'm used to in the UK, where a Wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life! I felt so sad for the Bride, but everyone told me this is just how it is in this culture. I guess they are used to it, but it made me wonder about all the women who get married off to men who are mean to them (not, I must add, that I think this Groom will be mean, as he seemed very nice).
After a long drive, we arrived at the huge family home, where around 40 relatives were staying. I managed to get a bed, sleeping in a room where two little boys were sharing. The next day I got up at 4.30, and Dev took me to Sarankot to see the mountains. Unfortunately we didn't make it for sunrise as a car had broken down on the road, and it was cloudy over the mountains – but finally I did at least get to see them! They are magnificent, and although I don't have amazing photos I have at least been able to see them with my own eyes, which makes me happy.
After eating the traditional wedding breads (many different kinds and very sweet), I got changed into a purple silk sari that one of the sisters of the Groom lent me. Putting on a sari is difficult, but fortunately there were people around to help me and pin it to make sure it didn't fall down!
At around 10.30, the Wedding started. I was with the Groom's family, which meant the first part of the ceremony started at the house I was staying at. The Groom was decorated with flowers and a big wreath around his neck, and had to greet all members of his family. Everyone, including me, took tika, and there were lots of exchanges of gifts. The groom even sucked his mother's breast under a blanket to signal that he would never do this again, and was fully grown (I must stress, this was NOT in a Little Britain type way!). After lots of ceremony, traditional Nepali music started with strange, large horn instruments, and the Groom was driven in a black car decorated with so many flowers to kick-start the procession. We all followed to the place where the Bride and her family were waiting. This took a fair while as we ceremoniously made our way down the road with all the locals looking on (especially at me, towering a foot above the other ladies!).
The Groom joined the Bride, and everyone ate special food. I was then whisked off to Phewa Lake with some of the family members, who took me boating – we even drank some beers looking at a view of the mountains above the lake (the snow-capped peaks occasionally surfaced!). After a couple of hours, we went back to the Wedding, where there were still several hours to go.
The Bride and Groom sat under a colourful shelter with the Priest, doing Puja to the Gods and making various exchanges. The Bride was dressed in red and gold finery, surrounded by so many people dressed up to the nines. Then the parents and grandparents of both Bride and Groom held a ceremony to show acceptance of each other, where they exchanged gifts – and smeared tika all over each other's faces. Every member of the groom's family was presented with gifts, which took hours! At around this time, a bizarre process started whereby the Bride's friends and relatives hid the Groom's shoes, and the Groom's family had to bargain for them in a long drawn-out process!
After what seemed like ages (so much longer than a typical English Wedding), the Bride's father carried her down the steps to the car. She was sobbing almost uncontrollably and didn't want to let him go. I guess this is the thing with arranged marriages - the Groom was so happy but the Bride so upset. It felt quite strange to see, as it was so different to what I'm used to in the UK, where a Wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life! I felt so sad for the Bride, but everyone told me this is just how it is in this culture. I guess they are used to it, but it made me wonder about all the women who get married off to men who are mean to them (not, I must add, that I think this Groom will be mean, as he seemed very nice).
The Bride and Groom then drove to the Groom's house, accompanied by the same ceremonious music. The Bride was so upset that she was sick out of the car! Once back at the house, she was welcomed by the women and a party started with more vibrant music and dancing. Of course, I was forced to dance, in front of so many people! It was a bit embarrassing but all good fun. Also spent a while talking to the children and showing them pictures, before Dev suddenly told me I had to get changed and move somewhere else!
We drove to the outskirts of Pokhara, to the foot of the hills. We were staying with members of Dev's family in a much more traditional place, where all the men were wearing traditional clothes and topis - I ended up staying in a little room above the buffalo!
Then it was another early start the next morning, and I was so tired I really struggled up the hill to see the mountains. There was no cloud, and though I could only see a couple of the mountains, I could at least see them clearly :-) One of Dev's young relatives Deecha then took me to Mahindra cave, where there are tons of different kinds of rock - and we ran away from the biggest spider I've ever seen (Juliet would have had a heart attack!). After that it was a traditional meal of millet cake (hurray, no rice!) and off to Devi's Falls (a waterfall) and to various friends and family of Dev's that he needed to see.
That afternoon, the next stage of the Wedding started (no, it's not over yet!). This was the party for the Groom's family, but this time we got to go by car. The Bride was smiling by now, and sat next to the Groom - both sitting on gold thrones! Yet more Wedding food and sweets, and some Western music (the first I've heard since I've been here due to my iPod crisis - don't ask) - and I very much enjoyed hearing 'Big Yellow Taxi', albeit the Counting Crows version. It made me laugh when Michael Jackson's 'Black or White' came on...singing "It doesn't matter if you're Black or White", just as I was sitting there feeling self conscious!
Next thing I knew, I was told we were leaving and driving back to Kathmandu then and there! So off we went. It was an amusing journey, speaking a mixture or Nepali and English and managing to all get a few jokes across. I had a great conversation with Dev about all kinds of things. I know this sounds so cheesy, but he's really inspiring - he's worked so hard to achieve what he has done, and has been struck by tragedy (his daughter died a few years ago, and he worked so hard to fund a higher school in her memory, and worked 20 hours a day in three jobs in London to fund a new building for the school I'm teaching at). But anyway, I won't bang on any more about it - hope someone is still awake by the end of this record-breakingly long entry!
In summary, it was a great experience, if a little bit of a strain at times being so conscious of not doing the wrong thing. Everyone I met was so lovely, and the Nepali people are so generous - despite some of them having so little. I wasn't allowed to pay for anything the whole trip (though I'm going to try and rectify that) and I'm really privileged to have had the opportunity to see a ceremony they consider so sacred. Signing off now - until next time...
We drove to the outskirts of Pokhara, to the foot of the hills. We were staying with members of Dev's family in a much more traditional place, where all the men were wearing traditional clothes and topis - I ended up staying in a little room above the buffalo!
Then it was another early start the next morning, and I was so tired I really struggled up the hill to see the mountains. There was no cloud, and though I could only see a couple of the mountains, I could at least see them clearly :-) One of Dev's young relatives Deecha then took me to Mahindra cave, where there are tons of different kinds of rock - and we ran away from the biggest spider I've ever seen (Juliet would have had a heart attack!). After that it was a traditional meal of millet cake (hurray, no rice!) and off to Devi's Falls (a waterfall) and to various friends and family of Dev's that he needed to see.
That afternoon, the next stage of the Wedding started (no, it's not over yet!). This was the party for the Groom's family, but this time we got to go by car. The Bride was smiling by now, and sat next to the Groom - both sitting on gold thrones! Yet more Wedding food and sweets, and some Western music (the first I've heard since I've been here due to my iPod crisis - don't ask) - and I very much enjoyed hearing 'Big Yellow Taxi', albeit the Counting Crows version. It made me laugh when Michael Jackson's 'Black or White' came on...singing "It doesn't matter if you're Black or White", just as I was sitting there feeling self conscious!
Next thing I knew, I was told we were leaving and driving back to Kathmandu then and there! So off we went. It was an amusing journey, speaking a mixture or Nepali and English and managing to all get a few jokes across. I had a great conversation with Dev about all kinds of things. I know this sounds so cheesy, but he's really inspiring - he's worked so hard to achieve what he has done, and has been struck by tragedy (his daughter died a few years ago, and he worked so hard to fund a higher school in her memory, and worked 20 hours a day in three jobs in London to fund a new building for the school I'm teaching at). But anyway, I won't bang on any more about it - hope someone is still awake by the end of this record-breakingly long entry!
In summary, it was a great experience, if a little bit of a strain at times being so conscious of not doing the wrong thing. Everyone I met was so lovely, and the Nepali people are so generous - despite some of them having so little. I wasn't allowed to pay for anything the whole trip (though I'm going to try and rectify that) and I'm really privileged to have had the opportunity to see a ceremony they consider so sacred. Signing off now - until next time...
1 comment:
Absolutely fascinating stuff... even if the image that sticks in my mind is the Little Britain-esque suckling!
I hope you're planning to write a novel about all this when you get back.
Loving reading about your adventures.
L x
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