Hello Kitty & Host Bars: One Night In Tokyo

My last night in Japan was one of the most bizarre nights ever.

Kathy, one of Rosie's friends, had been too hungover to go to work
that day (sorry, I mean she had 'a fever' after a night in Ropongi),
and had been showing me around all day, taking in the delights of
Harajuku (complete with crazily haired teenagers in platform shoes and
grown women dressed as Little Bow Peep - WFT?!) and Shibuya, full of
trendy boutique shops, cafe culture and 'too cool for school' types
dressed in the latest funky clobber.

At dusk, we headed to Shinguku, which seems to be the centre of the
Japanese madness - on the West side is the huge posh business
district, and on the East side, the capital of sleaze, complete with
neon lights, love hotels, hostess bars, prostitutes and all manner of
debauchery. My friends had been trying to tell me it's "not that
sleazy"... men go there to "get things done that they don't want to
make their girlfriends do"... Personally I'm not sure how that makes
it not that sleazy, but this is the Japanese argument!

We checked out Tokyo at dusk from the observation tower in the famous
Government Metropolitan building before heading down a mysterious
looking alleyway for food, beers and sake. That stuff is strong man, I
could feel it flowing through my veins! After showing my bra to some
curious Japanese women (it's not as bad as it sounds) we wandered the
streets of Tokyo, going into random shops where you can buy the most
unbelievable tat I've ever seen. You can pick up anything from giant
banana cushions and tiny nurse's outfits to hello kitty vibrators and
even nose pluckers (gross) if you feel so inclined. You can pimp out
your mobile phone with real diamonds, and you can accessorise
everything from your hair to your car (my favourite is a seat cover
that makes it look like Mickey Mouse is sitting next to you).

Next, we played on drum machines (I was rubbish) and messed around in
the photo booths. In these, you follow instructions on positions and
dance erratically to plinky plonky Japanese music, then decorate your
pics with lurid colours and crazy symbols. By this point I was almost
hysterical with laughter, had lost my Tokyo guide book in all the
excitement and was fully into the swing of the uniquely Japanese
delights of the city's nightlife.

Just when I thought the night couldn't get any crazier, we started
walking in the red light district proper, passing amusing posters of
men and women posing, and every type of love hotel you could imagine
(burlesque fetish anyone?). Before I knew what was happening, Kathy
was suggesting we go to a host bar - something she hadn't been brave
enough to do in three years of living in Japan...

So, after some negotiation, off we went with a small Japanese chap,
down some stairs into the darkness...We were greeted by a whole load
of men in a glitzy room complete with white sofas, glass tables, gold
bars and an endless supply of some kind of local green cocktail. For
those who have not experienced the pleasures of the host bar, the idea
is this: you go and sit at a table, while a selection of men comes and
visits you, pours you drinks and entertains you with scintillating
conversations and flattery. They each give you their card and rotate
around different tables, and at the end of your allocated time you are
free to "pick a man and go upstairs with him...". Obviously I am
dedicated to my boyfriend, so I was just tagging along in the interest
of research (and some very good value entertainment).

As we sat there with Kathy jabbering away in Japanese, the guys tried
to speak English to me. The first offering was (and I quote), "Sexy,
lovely, beautiful. I want you, I need you, I love you!" said in a very
dramatic tone with suitable (or unsuitable?!) accompanying actions.
After their basic English was exhausted, I busied myself with asking
rude questions via Kathy, on such topics as sexual positions. This led
to some highly amusing mimes and a lot of laughter. In summary, I'm
glad I wasn't depending on this event to find the love of my life
(already having him back in the UK!) but the two hour period was
hilarious. Needless to say, Kathy didn't make it to work the next day
either!